The Adventures of Bellboy
by purplefishcake
Summary: By day, he was just an ordinary bellboy, but by night, he's Bellboy, the awesome superhero who beats up bad guys, helps old people cross the street, helps Rapunzel tie up her super long hair and other superhero stuff. Two shot.


By day, he was just an ordinary bellboy, but by night, he's Bellboy, the awesome superhero who beats up bad guys, helps old people cross the street, helps Rapunzel tie up her super long hair and other superhero stuff.

Not much is known about the mysterious Bellboy, just that he works as a bellboy by day and that his loyal sidekick is Mailman, who works as a mailman in the mornings.

That's where I come in. I'm doing a report on a day in the life of our dear superheroes here. Why? Blame education and school.

But don't tell people I said that. The last time someone did, a whole group of avid protestors ganged up in front of school complaining about weird stuff like how squirrels are cute and fluffy and do not deserve to be tested on to see if drugs can make animals talk or not and other weirder stuff. I think they were protesting at the wrong place. I mean, why would you protest about animal rights in front of a school that can't even spell 'school' correctly? I don't know how that is related to blaming education and school about homework and assignments yet, so give me time. I'll think of something later.

Back to Bellboy and Mailman.

So to start off, I need to find the right bellboy among the millions of bellboys in town. Not an easy task, but if I want to finally get an A for once in class, I need to stalk all of them until I find _the_ Bellboy.

Then I thought that it would be too time-consuming and that it would be easier if I had sidekicks of my own. Just like how Bellboy does. The only problem was: How can I get loyal sidekicks whom I can trust and know they won't suddenly turn their back on me and start stabbing me violently with a really sharp pointy thing and feed me to aliens after they're done eating what was left of my dead body because they were actually cannibals in disguise?

I asked my psychiatrist (yes, I do have a psychiatrist) and he said a few things before he ran out of battery: 'Hey, Kids!' and 'I love you'. Then he started to sing his own theme song and the 'I Love You, You Love Me' song he always sings at the end of his shows. That made me realise how stupid I was for asking a Barney doll. I needed to ask someone cooler, whose TV shows are PG-13.

I thought of asking Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother, but then I realised that he would just say something inappropriate and completely off-topic.

With that being a lost cause, I decided to just form an army of hobos so that they could do something for the economy and such, instead of just sitting down near piles of trash, eating leftover glue from glue tubes.

I did just that, and while I was sitting at a little café waiting for a status report, I realised how I could have done it the Hiruma Yoichi (from Eyeshield 21) way. Get blackmail material against some dude, then blackmail said dude into becoming my slave and make him help me get blackmail material on some random person and then blackmail the random person into becoming my slave too and get the random person to get blackmail material on some _other_ random person and so on and so forth. It would have been more interesting that way...

Well, what's done is done.

My phone rang.

"Hello?" I said. It was from an unknown number, and although I suspect it's from one of those hobos, I was still rather shocked to know hobos had phones. Then again, I had thought that 'hobo' stood for homeless bozo once. I'm almost always wrong about stuff like that.

"Hello," I could hear the person at the other end leer at me after the other person spent a whole two minutes screaming gibberish (he was probably swearing in gibberish). Was I really that bad? I never knew getting hobos to finally do something good for the country was really that bad.

Then there was silence.

"Uhhh.. Do you need something, Mister?" I asked. Then the person hung up.

Not again. I bit the inside of my cheek. The phone always made my voice sound pitchy and childish. Like a how a little boy sounds before he hits puberty and grows five feet. I have puberty issues.

A few minutes passed before I got a text message from the same unknown number.

_Sorry. Hobo #1 doesn't know how to use a phone and out of frustration he jabbed my phone with a sharp pointy thing and now it can't call anymore. Bellboy works at the Gatewater Hotel. –Hobo #2_

Eventhough that didn't really explain how that hobo got a phone in the first place, I got up from the table and left the café.

Then I remembered about the unpaid bill. I thought for a moment before deciding to just charge it to one of the hobos' tab. Maybe one of them was secretly rich?

I tried to hail a taxi but then the taxi driver didn't take me seriously. He was really money-oriented. When he asked me how I was supposed to pay him, I replied how he'd be helping the world and touching fluff like that. He laughed and kicked me out. At least, I think he did. He did sort of agreed to help me, but then he kept laughing and with him being this hysterical, I was afraid that maybe he'd lose focus and crash the car or something.

And I didn't want to die.

Also, he looked a little old and I was also afraid that he'd die on the wheel, which would also lead to my demise.

I really, really don't want to die.

I thought I should just walk since I really needed the excercise and I was gaining some weight from my non-stop snacking in class. It was supposed to enrage the teachers. We all planned that it would. But I think their glasses weren't thick enough and his hearing had gone bad. We munched our chips as loudly as we could and heck, some of us got our Blackberries out and kept munching screens to have more munching sounds, but that still didn't work. One of my classmates even hooked his phone to an amplifier, set it on max, and munched his screen non-stop for a half an hour. Our teacher didn't even flinch. I think he's on to us.

I arrived at the Gatewater Hotel in an hour. There were a lot of distractions on the way there ranging from babies doing handstands (something I will never be able to do) to a group of teenagers deliberately trying to hurt themselves and to an old blind man trying to paint a portrait of a rapping bunny, graffiti style.

But I guess you could say that the thing that distracted me the longest was the pooping dog. It just looked so cute sitting there, trying to get faeces to fall off its butt.

I love pooping dogs.

I get sidetracked easily, so please bear with me.

Opening the door to the hotel, I spotted _him. The_ Bellboy. And how did I know? He was whispering inaudible stuff to a mailman. Probably their little superhero secrets.

I couldn't help smiling as I hid behind a plant. I think it was named Charlie because in its pot I found a little note saying how he should be a good plant and take care of himself and how he should listen to everything the bellboy says while the whole family went on holiday to some deserted desert. It was pretty touching, really.

I hid behind the plant, watching their every move. I watched how the mailman left soon after, carrying a bunch of pink fan mail to some Miles Edgeworth. He must be really popular.

It wasn't long before the Bellboy was off duty. I stalked him all the way into the parking lot where he tried to start his car before a group of hobos attacked him from the back seats. Go hobos!

He screamed like a little girl, his hands flailing at his sides. I think it was part of his cover. He didn't want people to know he's a superhero so he tries his best to act like a sissy. He's doing a great job at it.

I took a few pictures with my camera to show how awesome his acting skills are and stalked him some more as he decided to donate his car to the poor hobos who were busy attacking the car seats, trying to eat as much of the seats as they possibly could. How nice of him.

He walked briskly into a deep dark alley.

Suspicious.

As he reached the end of the alley, he looked both ways before jumping inside a dumpster.

Even more suspicious.

I took more pictures and bit my thumb. What was he doing inside a dumpster filled to the brim with garbage? You don't know? Well, neither did I.

He jumped out, minutes later, wearing the same uniform he was wearing before. Only this time, he had on a mask and his hair was gelled back.

I took more pictures.

Mailman ended up magically jumping out of the same dumpster too. How he got there, I do not know.

More pictures.

They nodded at each other before running out of the alley in slow motion.

I followed after them, trying to keep a safe distance between us. It wasn't really all that hard. They were still defying gravity by their non-stop slow-motion running.

They stopped slowly. By now I thought that maybe all the slow-motion stuff was caused by old age, since my grandpa runs like them too. Well, at least he _tries _to run, but then he'd always fall and complain how his hip is acting up and all and blame his fall on a banana peel that always seems to magically appear every time he falls.

And that is why I do not like bananas. They have nothing better to do than to stalk my grandpa.

They turned their heads, also in slow motion, and then slowly turned their bodies to the direction of a very tall building. They nodded in slow-motion before running (or did what seemed like running) to the roof of the said building.

I didn't follow them in. Doing so would result in my presence being known and getting a big fat 'F' on my report. Besides, I want to be a better stalker than that stupid banana peel who bothers old people at the verge of death. Stupid banana peel.

Having seen the silhouettes of two men in capes, I used my camera as a telescope, zooming in on the superheroes.

They climbed over the edge of the roof, holding hands. Nodding to each other, they leaped off the building, hands and feet in in the air, squirming. After falling for several feet, they regained their balance and started flying.

From where I was I could hear people screaming dramatically.

"It's a bell! No, it's a boy! No! It's Bellboy!"

"How the heck did you mistake them for bells in the first place?"

"I don't know, they just do! Now stop screaming at me!"

"I WASN'T SCREAMING AT YOU!"

"YOU ARE NOW! LEAVE ME ALONE! JUST BECAUSE I HAVE SIGHT PROBLEMS DOESN'T MEAN YOU GET TO PICK ON ME!"

"I WASN'T PICKING ON YOU, I WAS QUESTIONING YOUR LOGIC! THERE'S A DIFFERENCE!"

"LALALALALALALA! I CAN'T HEAR YOU!"

I shook my head. And my parents want me to act more mature. Right.

They flew over the city.

Do you know how hard it is to keep up with two flying adults flying in slow-mo? VERY.

Zooming in on them some more, I could almost see their faces. _Almost_. Too bad they wore marks.

* * *

><p><strong>AR: Okaayy, I just wrote this to post something to let all you people know that I'm not dead yet. I'm still trying to focus on a fic at a time, but this is just something like a sneak-peek of the Bellboy list in my other fic '100 Things'. I also wrote this so celebrate the fact that I'm half done with said list.**

**This will be a two-shot. I will be posting the concluding chapter **_**probably**_** after I'm done with the other half of my Bellboy list. 'Probably' because I stink at making predictions.**

**PLEASE REVIEW!**


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